Healing Again

I had prepared myself this time for the possibility but I didn't really think it would happen again.

But, two weeks ago I went in for a 10 week appointment and once again I heard the words, "There is no heartbeat". 

The baby was measuring 9 weeks.  My doctor said she wants to do some tests soon and see if there's a blood clot or something that is causing these miscarriages.

She scheduled me for a D&C 6 days away.  However, it ended up happening at home 4 days later and  was somewhat of a peaceful, positive experience.  I actually held my tiny, little baby(the size of the tip of my pinkie) and marveled at God's work.  I could see each of it's 10 little fingers.  I was in awe and felt like this way I had more closure.

It was still an emotionally painful experience but I feel like I have been able to heal swifter this time.

One thing that I have spent my time doing is quilting.  I feel that it is a very good healing activity :)

After my weekend with Jenny Doan I was super inspired to start at it again as you saw in my last post.  I have also been inspired by my Mom's minis and so I thought maybe I could try my hand at whipping one up and so far I am really pleased.

I used Primitive Gatherings "Floral Gatherings" line and I absolutely love the colors.

I started working with a mini charm pack but ended up pulling a bit from a regular sized charm pack of the same fabric and also my stash to bring in the blues.

 I was also able to find some coordinating fabrics for setting triangles and backing from a couple of LQS.  Now I just need to get up the nerve to border it and quilt it :)

I have such supportive and great family and friends.  They have been there for me through these two losses and I appreciate them so much!

My dad found an article a few days ago that was really pertinent and sent it my way.

It explains that we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) don't have any clear doctrine that has been revealed about when the spirit enters the body and so forth.  We do believe however, that we will live with our loved ones again after we have passed through this life.  I also know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for us and will make all things right in the end.  I like to think that these two little ones that I have lost will be mine in the eternities and that these tiny bodies were all they needed to gain on this earth and are now progressing on their eternal journeys.

I am at peace though and have faith in the future...no matter how far away that future may seem.