Friday, September 26, 2014

Healing Again

I had prepared myself this time for the possibility but I didn't really think it would happen again.
But, two weeks ago I went in for a 10 week appointment and once again I heard the words, "There is no heartbeat". 
The baby was measuring 9 weeks.  My doctor said she wants to do some tests soon and see if there's a blood clot or something that is causing these miscarriages.
She scheduled me for a D&C 6 days away.  However, it ended up happening at home 4 days later and  was somewhat of a peaceful, positive experience.  I actually held my tiny, little baby(the size of the tip of my pinkie) and marveled at God's work.  I could see each of it's 10 little fingers.  I was in awe and felt like this way I had more closure.

It was still an emotionally painful experience but I feel like I have been able to heal swifter this time.
One thing that I have spent my time doing is quilting.  I feel that it is a very good healing activity :)
After my weekend with Jenny Doan I was super inspired to start at it again as you saw in my last post.  I have also been inspired by my Mom's minis and so I thought maybe I could try my hand at whipping one up and so far I am really pleased.

I used Primitive Gatherings "Floral Gatherings" line and I absolutely love the colors.
I started working with a mini charm pack but ended up pulling a bit from a regular sized charm pack of the same fabric and also my stash to bring in the blues.
 I was also able to find some coordinating fabrics for setting triangles and backing from a couple of LQS.  Now I just need to get up the nerve to border it and quilt it :)

I have such supportive and great family and friends.  They have been there for me through these two losses and I appreciate them so much!
My dad found an article a few days ago that was really pertinent and sent it my way.
It explains that we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) don't have any clear doctrine that has been revealed about when the spirit enters the body and so forth.  We do believe however, that we will live with our loved ones again after we have passed through this life.  I also know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for us and will make all things right in the end.  I like to think that these two little ones that I have lost will be mine in the eternities and that these tiny bodies were all they needed to gain on this earth and are now progressing on their eternal journeys.
I am at peace though and have faith in the matter how far away that future may seem.


  1. Oh Aimee, it was like I lost a "grandbaby"! But what a wise father - you WILL get to hold them in eternity and God does have a plan!

    Bless you!

  2. And by the way the little quilt is absolutely darling! Great color choices!! Also, loved the post from the Jenny Doan workshop!! What great fun. So glad that you got to spend it with that special person - your MOM!!

    Blessings and hugs!

  3. Beautiful post, Aimee. I admire your courage and faith--and I'm glad your experience gave you more closure this time.
    You know I LOVE that little quilt! Good job! And I agree that quilting (or any kind of creative outlet) is good therapy. : )

  4. Oh, Aimee, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Glad you are finding some therapy in quilting - your little quilt is really beautiful! I love the fabrics and the blue that you added is perfect.

  5. I'm so sorry to hear that. Breaks my heart. Now being a mom it hurts even more. I agree. I think you have two sweet babes waiting for you in heaven. What a beautiful thought!
    Love your projects!!

  6. You've been on my mind and now I know why. Sorry for your loss again. Know that you are loved by friends and your Heavenly Father. Your quilt is darling. Thanks for helping me out today!

  7. Oh Aimee... you have been on my mind as well. I'm so sorry I didn't act on the impression to come see you. My heart aches for the experiences you've dealt with. You truly are a wonderful mother that was entrusted with those special spirits. Thank you for being a strong example to everyone around you. (And thank you for the birthday text. :))

  8. Aimee I had no idea. I like to think your little ones just touched base enough to progress through the eternities as well. Love you!

  9. I'm so sorry, Aimee! You are in my prayers!